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Sunday, 20 May 2012

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner...


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up...

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Managers are Smart .....

Our HERO was chatting with a female (Online chat)

(both are s/w engineers and both work for big MNC's)

Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : Grrrrrr [****always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.

Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you

[Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid things, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero : Yep, ur rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor?

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not?

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!
AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

I m Sorry..very touching story


Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. W
henever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.




I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way, they get hurt, and become smaller / older, and eventually pass on. Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.



All my life, I've been the pencil. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have.


Not only parents, sometimes true friends also play the role of ERASER in the life, so always value them. . . 

Monday, 14 May 2012

A touching GOODBYE

When i said i loved you, I said it from the heart,

When you said you loved me, I thought we'd never part,

But now a time has come, our love is no longer true,

And now I se forever, will not consist of me and you,

Never will I forget, those times in which we shared,

Never will I forget my joy, the day I learned you cared,

I wish you the best of luck, in all you try and do,

I wish you the best of luck, in finding someone new,

But when you go, dont say goodbye,lets end it with a smile,

And in my heart I know, that you , I will forever miss.............. 

Sunday, 13 May 2012

IT consultant -- hilarious


 Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.
The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers,"that's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

"If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business...

Now can I have my DOG back?" 

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Newtons Laws on Love


Newtons Laws on Love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Universal law: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

First law
: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.

Second law
: The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.
Third law: The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals!

Friday, 11 May 2012

Zindagi ek ajeeb paheli hai

Zindagi ek ajeeb paheli hai
jo har kisike pass hai
jisne samjha usne paayi chaavi
ya kahin aaj bhi issi paheli main uljha hua hai

Yeh zindagi jo tune ek rone se shuruwat ki thi
pehle saans se aakri saans ke beech ke zindagi jee le
Na kisika udhaar, Na kisiki virasat
Bas teri hai, Aur sirf teri

Do tarike hai jeene ke liye yeh zindagi
ek hoton pe muskan liye
aur dusra aankhon main aansu liye
pehla aasaan hai phir kyun
sab dusre raah ko aasaan samajhte hai

Yeh zindagi bhi anmol hai
Jiske paas hai,unhe unka ehsaas nahin hai
jaana hai iski keemat to sunle hazaaron dua
main ek dua,jo apne hi kisike liye
rab se maangta hai isse

Zindagi ek safar hai
Har raat ke baad ek savera
na ruka hai kisike liye
aur na rukhega kabhi
samjhle yeh choti si baat meri
jee le apni zindagi....

In Today’s Relationship


In Today’s Relationship.

You Can Touch Each Other’s Private Parts,

But…

But You Can’t Touch Each Other’s Cell Phones.

Because They Are Sooooooooooo Private?

A Funny Story : Dark in here


A housewife takes her lover during the day, while her husband is at work,
Not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.


The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the mom's lover are in the closet together.


Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I’ll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."


A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."


They go to church and the father alerts the priest and
makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and
closes the door.


The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again…!!!!"

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Make a difference to someone


A man was walking down the beach at sunset. As, he walked along, he
saw another man in the distance. He noticed this man kept leaning
down, picking up something and throwing it out into the water, again and again. As, he
approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that
had been washed up on the beach. He was throwing them back into the water,
one by one.
Puzzled, he approached the man and said,
“Good Evening. I was wondering what you are doing.”
“I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it’s low
tide and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If, I
don’t throw them back into the ocean, they’ll die up here from lack of
oxygen.”
“But, there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can’t possible
get to all of them. And, don’t you realize this is probably happening on
hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can’t you see that you can’t
possibly make a difference?”
The man bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into
the ocean. With a smile he replied, “Made a difference to that one!!!”
Just remember, no matter how small the deed
it really does makes a difference.
Make a difference today.
Do something nice for someone else,
even if it’s just sending this card to a friend and
letting them know somebody cares about them.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

A conversation about the process of selecting a software bridegroom


A conversation about the process of selecting a software bridegroom….
Enjoy reading.
Vidhya: hey! what is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for
a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has
come.. in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don’t know which one to select, I
am confused because of it.
Vidhya: what is the confusion about?
Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come.
That’s why I don’t know whom I must select among this. You are a
software engineer na pls give me some suggestion.
vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one
holds.
nithya: first is a “manager”.
vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always.
But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask
you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton
and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can’t
make it, he’ll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night
to prepare it. He will also tell he’ll provide you with the night cab.
Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day
and night he will not accept.
nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a “test engineer“.
vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he
will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise
him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have
salt in it. If you ask him “will you not at least tell that it is good”,
he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I
tell that. He is sooo good …
Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the “performance test engineer”.
vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask
why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee,
he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which
can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the
instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not
accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think
about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!
Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They
are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will
bear.
Nithya: then tell about them.
Vidhya: you don’t have to do anything. They will do everything
themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the
problem with them is- they will say “I know it” whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the
condition is you must keep saying “you are too good” after hitting them
every time.
Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

kuch kehti hai yeh hawa mujhse....

"kuch kehti hai yeh hawa mujhse
jo tumse milke aayi hai
gun-guna rahi hai koi geet mere kaano main
jo tumne mere yaad main gaaye the

kitne din beet gaye tumse milke
hai aasma main dekhta hoon
tum bhi yehi aasma dekh rahi ho
yeh sochke sambhalta hai yeh dil

jaane kisne kaha hai ki
duuri ka ehsaas se
aur chalak utha hai pyar
tumhari ek nazar paane ko
dil bekaraar hai ab

woh sab hi pal jo humne saath main bitaye hai
hai unhi palon ka vaasta tumhe
intezar ab mujhse nahin hota
bas tumse milne ki
darkhawaz main rab se karta hoon"

This is the truth behind every lie


There’s always a little truth behind every
‘Just kidding!.’
a little knowledge behind every
‘I dont know!.’
a little emotion behind every
‘I dont care!.’
a little luv behind every
‘I hate you!.’
a little uneasiness behind every
‘I am okay!.’
a little pain behind every
‘forget it!.’
a little fear behind every
‘Leave me alone!.’
a little hope behind every
‘Goodbye!’
There’s always ‘something’ behind
every ‘nothing!.’
If you can understand this you can understand what life is..

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Childhood Memories In India


You Know You Grew Up in India in the 90s When…
You know the words to ‘In-pin-safety-pin’ and ‘akkad-bakkad’ by heart.
Cricket is almost a religion for you, and you idolize at least one of Rahul Dravid/Sachin Tendulkar/Saurav Ganguly
You have read at least some Chacha Chaudhary or Tinkle comics
You’ve watched Shaktimaan on TV at least once in your life. And you can immediately recognize the character when you see him.
You have seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at least 5 times each
You still remember the theme song of Hum Paanch. (Hum Paanch, Pam Pam Pam Paanch!)
You have played hours upon hour of running and catching, chor-police, lagori, saankli, ‘Doctor, doctor, help us!’, ‘Lock and key’
You collected trump cards of wrestlers, cricketers, and airplanes, and did not quite understand why your younger siblings were obsessed with Pokemon and the other Japanese trends that followed.
Your summer vacations were often synonymous with visiting your grandparents or cousins
Bole mere lips, I love uncle Chips!
You know the song ‘Made in India’ by Alisha Chinai
You have seen many many many episodes of ‘Antakshari’ on Zee TV and know the only thing constant in the show is Annu Kapoor.
Many evenings have been spent watching little kids gyrate vulgarly on Boogie Woogie on Sony.
You were the coolest thing in class if you had a computer in your house while it was still the 90s.
You learnt LOGO and BASIC in school!
You couldn’t wait to start 4th standard so you could start writing with PENS instead of with pencils!
You often used terms and phrases like ‘two-say’, ‘same to you, back to you, with no returns’, and ‘shame shame, puppy shame, all the donkeys know your name.’
You most probably saw Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge at the cinema at least once. You also fantasized about singing songs in mustard fields as in the movie.
You have said ‘haw’ or ‘yuck’ when you saw people kissing in English movies. (nowadays kids are used to it!)
You thought seeing English movies and speaking English made you the coolest thing ever.
Barbies for girls, and GI Joes for boys were the ultimate status symbols. You just wanted more more more and more. And how can I forget Hot Wheels, for both boys and girls?
“Jungle Jungle Baat Chali Hai Pata Chala Hai! Chaddi Pehen Ke Phool Khila Hai Phool Khila Hai!” You watched “The Jungle Book” every Sunday morning at 9.a.m” and just loved mowgli, bhalu and bagheera. A few years later, you watched Disney Hour, which had cartoons like Aladdin, Gummy Bears, Tail Spin, Uncle Scrooge!
And who can forget “Chandrakanta ki kahani, badi lagti hai suhani”, the show for which every family member from grandfather to grandchild would leave everything to watch it,forget our mothers…
At some point or other, cool was your favourite, and therefore, most overused word.
You loved licking off the cream from the centre of Bourbon biscuits.
There were no Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma- Bata and Liberty was the way to go for your sports shoes.
You have probably consumed more Frooti in your lifetime than there is oil in Iraq.
You watched Baywatch on Star World when nobody was home even though (or because) your parents said you shouldn’t watch it.
For the longest time, the Maruti 800, the Premier Padmini, THE Fiat, and THE Ambassador were the only cars you saw on the road, and the Contessa was cool because it was bigger.
You spent a good part of 1998 drooling over the Hyundai Santro and the Daewoo Matiz , debating which one was better.
You used to Fuzen gum. You also chewed Big (big) Babool and/or Boom Boom Boomer chewing gum. They were bright pink and disgusting  tasting, but you loved them for the temporary tattoos.
Talking of temporary tattoos, you sometimes had contests with your classmates about who had more tattoos on their arm, leg, knee, hand, forehead, wherever.
You thought Mario and Contra were the coolest things ever invented, especially if you were a boy.
Seemingly senseless acronyms like SRK, DDLJ, DTPH, KKHH actually make sense to you..
You have at some point debated who was more beautiful- Aishwarya or Sushmita.
You know what Campa Cola is. And you also knew that Coca Cola was THE drink.
When all backpacks (or ‘schoolbags’) and water bottles and tiffin boxes had strange cartoon characters that were hybrid versions of seven or eight different characters, and you still bought them, because a green man wih a water pistol, boots, a jet-pack, Johnny bravo hair, a rajasthani mustache, gloves, and underwear (long johns) over his pants, called ‘Mr. X’ was OBVIOUSLY a status symbol.
You remember the Nirma tikia jingle.
You remember the Nirma girl.
You remember the ‘doodh doodh piyo glass full doodh’ ad and also the ‘laal kaala peela, gulabi hara neela classic hai badia bristles wala’ and ‘roz khao ande’ ads.
Towards the late 90s (1998-99) at least some of us started our Harry Potter obsessions!
You absolutely HAD to go to Essel World if you were with cousins! “Essel World mein rahoonga main, ghar nahin nahin jaaonga main!”
You watched the Bournvita Quiz contest on TV pretty religiously. The smarter ones amongst you actually took part in it and had your entire school and your entire extended families watch you on it!
Maggi 2 Minute Noodles = ultimate snack (and tiffin, lunch, dinner)!
If you grew up in the early 90s, you recall the nation’s obsession with Mahabharata on TV
In the later 90s, you religiously followed Hip Hip Hooray on Zee. Maybe Just Mohabbat on Sony too
You eagerly awaited Friendship Day, so you could give friendship bands to all your friends, and get bands from them in return. Then, of course, those with the most bands loved to show them off .
This list made you smile.
And I miss that age, it was sooo awesome!

Saturday, 5 May 2012

Calling hell to hell : Software Professional


One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to hell.
Politician said “I miss my country. I want to call my country and see
how everybody is doing there.” She called and talked for about 5 minutes,
then she asked “Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????
The devil says “Five million dollars”.
The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
————————
Thief was so jealous! s, he starts screaming, “My turn! I wanna call my group
members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too”
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked “Well, devil
how much do I need to pay for the call????
The devil says “Ten million dollars”.
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
———————
Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, “I want to call my IT friends too”,

He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various
technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he
asked “Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????
The devil says “Twenty dollars”.
Programmer is stunned & says “Twenty dollars??? Only ??”

Devil says

-
-
-
-

-
scroll down

-
-
-
-
 -
-
 -
Calling hell to hell is local call…!!!

Friday, 4 May 2012

How guy select girls


A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
Think like a man . . .
(scroll down for the answer)
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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Thursday, 3 May 2012

Very Good One…!!!


We all know this one
One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked God “You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??” to which God answered “Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you…you see only one set of footprints
Because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands”
Now know this one too!!!
Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM “You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??” to which the PM answered “Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you…you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!”

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

ON SITE STORY


A Story about Onsite…!
One fine day, Vivek’s PL Bhatia asks him whether he has any time for a small
meeting. Vivek obviously has time and so the two go to a conference
room. Bhatia then clears his throat and says “Vivek, there is an on-site
requirement. It is in Covina , Los Angeles . It is for six months. I can
suggest your name. Do you have any problems?”
Vivek cannot believe his ears. Of course why should any one have problems
going to the Sam land. “Of course no Bhatia.. I have no
problems.” he says.
Bhatia looks at him very kindly and says “You better draw up your personal
plans with your wife and let me know in a day or two” That’s when Vivek
remembers that he has a wife. Then it strikes him that there is a himalayan
problem in front of him. Shobana is working in Wipro. She is in
the middle of a project in which she is a moduleleader. She cannot leave it
all and come to Covina with Vivek. On the otherhand it will be cruel on
Vivek’s part to leave her here and go to Covina for more than half a year. Moreover,
they have just been married. Vivek can stay back. But one day he has to go..
He cannot stay back in India indefinitely. Project requirements are too
demanding. Shobana can resign Wipro and accompany Vivek. But what is the
guarantee that she would find such a nice job in such a nice company after they come
back from Covina ? So Shobana and Vivek discuss this issue. They reluctantly agree to get separated for six months.
Vivek hugs Shobana in the airport and says “I will be BACK” in a typical
Arnold Scharzegger tone and then boards Delta Airways leaving Shobana in
tears. In Covina Vivek gets lots of work and his stay gets extended by  two
more months. The days and months move very slowly. Vivek starts counting
even minutes.
During this period, Shobana’s PL Ashish Mehta calls her one day and asks
her whether she has any time for a small meeting. Shobana wonders what
that meeting is.. They go to the conference room and Mehta tells her
about a great on-site requirement in Berlin , Germanyfor their customer.
“It is for six months and you are most suited person for this. I am
going to suggest your name. Do you have any problems?” Mehta asks her.
Shobana gets excited.. Berlin ! She has never been out of India . So she
instantly nods her head. Mehta then smiles and says “Okay discuss with
your hubby and let me know in a day or two”
That’s when Shobana gets the gravity of the situation. It will be two
months before Vivek can come home….. By the time Shobana will have left to
Berlinfor six months. Shobana cannot decline this as this is an
important assignment. That night Vivek spends hundred dollars on
telephone to discuss this matter with Shobana. Finally they decide to go
ahead. Shobana breaks down in the phone and Vivek breaks down thinking
about his phone bill. And then Shobana leaves to Berlin.
One month after that,Vivek comes back to India . Then Shobana calls him
almost everyday and they discuss about all petty things on the phone.
Shobana applies for a loan to clear her telephone bills. Vivek gets into
a new project which is not yet started. His PL Prateek Ray calls him one
day and says that he has to go to Toledo Ohio for the requirement analysis
of that project. Vivek frantically says no. Shobana is arriving next month. He doesn’t
want to miss her. But Ray assures him that the work is only for one month and
that he would be back before Shobana comes to India . Thus Vivek flies to
Toledo Ohio and gets into the requirement analysis of the new project.
That’s when he comes to know how difficult it is to retrieve information
from the users. You can design a system the user wants only when the
user knows what he wants. Vivek gets baffled by the questions his users
put..
“Do you think I need those fields “GMG_TYPE_HJHJ_TW” and
“Auto_level_ind”?What are they by the way?” The requirements analysis
stage continues for three full months at this pace. Shobana comes to India one
month after that. And she tells her PL that she doesn’t want anymore
on-site assignments. “I understand” says Mehta and she desperately waits for Vivek to come back to India. It has already been two months over a year
since they last met. Vivek then gets the role of an on-site co-ordinator
for this customer. He calls Shobana that night and they really don’t
know what to do. Shobana offers to resign her job and join him in Toledo . But
she is getting 21 grand per month in Indiaand Vivek doesn’t want to lose
that. “Two more months Shobana and I promise I will be back” Shobana
retorts back, “There is no solution for this problem.” Vivek gets
surprised. “What are you talking about?” he asks her. Shobana fights back her tears. “As long as I am in Wipro I will be getting a lot of on-site opportunities. Even if I
decline all of them, what about you? You also work for a software
company and there you need to go abroad almost once every quarter.
I cannot accompany you as you don’t want me to resign my job here. Does
that mean we have to stay like this forever? Vivek! I love you and I
don’t know how I spent fifteen months without even seeing you once. I
may not recognize you also if you come in front of me now… Tell me Vivek,
is there a solution for this problem?” Vivek doesn’t speak anything for a
moment. He then realizes the truth in her sentences. It is a neverending
problem.
But what about the 20 grand she is getting per month?
“Vivek, is money everything? Can’t we comfortably live with what you are
getting? Please Vivek, try to understand the situation” Shobana breaks
down. Vivek is still undecided. He married a software engineer with a
hope that with two incomes he would have a good deal of money to plan their
future.”Let us face the reality, Vivek” Shobana says, “How much are you
paying for the phone calls now? More than 20 grand per month.
If I am with you there will your phone bill be so astronomical? Just
tell me one thing. Won’t you be happy having me there with you?” Shobana
slowly turns hysterical. Vivek gets into the crux of the situation. It is true.
He has been spending around 600 to 700 dollars per month on India calls…
that is far more than what Shobana is getting then. He thinks and
thinks..for two days he does nothing else but thinking. Finally he decides that
he should have Shobana with him all the time from then onwards at any cost.
Shobana gladly prepares the resignation letter and submits it. Her PL
smiles and says “You’ve made the right decision Shobana..
 congratulations  for the bold step. I understand your problems. Anyway! you have a three
months notice period here, right? We have a one month assignment in
Singapore …..”
MORAL : No software professional should marry another software professional…. unless one of them is ready to resign.